How are you? I hope you’re doing…better. Not that you were doing terribly, but you certainly seemed to be questioning yourself a lot. Maybe things make more sense in 2021. Maybe I’ve got it all figured out. Or maybe I’ve taken up smoking cigarettes and bleaching my own hair. God, let’s hope not.
I want you to know, me, that for the most part, I’m just trusting that the stars are guiding me in the right direction. I keep listening to my gut and so far, I’d say it’s done a pretty good job. But I do feel change coming. I wonder what it will be…
I hope you’re kinder to yourself in 2021. I hope you’re working out more, because I know how much you love to feel strong. I hope you’re not sneaking sugar free red-bulls while the baby naps, like 2020 Cassie. I hope by being kinder to yourself, you can let go of things and just enjoy life. Let the house go, let your husband handle the baby, and maybe read a book or something. Remember pottery? Archery? You did some cool shit before.
I think 2021-me will stop self medicating, or at least ease up on it. I’m struggling with it more and more as I get older, but I’m also becoming aware of it. I don’t want to become an alcoholic and I could live without an eating disorder. I’ve already started cutting back on drinking, but I still can’t seem to find my triggers with food. I hope I understand it better in 2021.
My daughter will be 3 by then. I hear 3 is a fun age. I hope she’s speaking a lot and has a dog to play with. I hope the cats don’t kill said dog. I hope she’s independent and adventurous. I hope she’s kind and creative. I hope she’s healthy. I hope she’s said “I love you” to me by then. I hope we’re planning a camping trip.
By next year I hope that I’ve found what I’m looking for. My astrologist says I have a few more years until I know for sure, and she’s been pretty good with everything else thus far, but I hope I can make sense of the path a bit more. Maybe I’ll have my book outline by then. Maybe I’ll have turned my office into a writing room. Maybe I’ll decide I’m not a writer and work at Home Goods so I can get a discount on holiday decorations and scented candles.
2021 me, have you seen a damn doctor yet? You were supposed to get blood work done a year ago...something about your kidneys. Please go get it done. I hope you’re healthy as a horse next year.
You’re as young as you will ever be, today. Remember that. After you read this, go play with your daughter. Run as fast you can and jump as high as you can and take advantage of a body that is able. Are you fostering again? Are you still hiding out from the corona virus? Are you still listening to Dolly Parton after every blog post? Are you talking to your dad? Have you driven your husband crazy? Are you still questioning why you were born? Are you still hung up on your legacy?
I’ve got 6 months left of this year and I have no idea what it’s going to look like. I hope I do hard work. I hope I find strength again to write about the stuff I decided I wasn’t comfortable writing about. Challenge yourself, Cassie…
Also, did you get a dog? Do you regret it? My bet is yes.