OYM Day 60: 2018 going on 2019 in 2020
I wrote myself a letter in January of 2018 for myself to read on 1/1/2019. I just read it today. It made me smile, laugh, and hurt. I wanted to share it and I’m going to write a letter for my 2021 self tomorrow.
It’s so funny how we can have intuition about our future, but not predict the timing. From this letter, I knew I would meet my child in 2019, but I didn’t know how quickly. Just 3-ish months after writing this letter, we met Viv.
A lot can change in a year…
Letter to myself in 2019 (2019?!?! WHOA)
These letters are kinda funny. It’s funny to see what I think about every year and then the ideas that come and go. There are also the ideas that become reality. I just got back from a trip to the Grand Canyon. It was great and really brought me out of my worries. I hope I do more of that in 2018, but I kinda have a feeling my Jesus year is going to be a big one.
Tonight is the 2nd class for our foster care training. Will we finish all 10 classes? Will we get a placement right away? Will it take months or more? By the time I read this will we have a kid (OR KIDS?!) in our house? It’s crazy to think about. I doubt we’ll have adopted by then but I’m going to be optimistic and hope. How will my marriage be? Will Daniel and I be stronger than ever or on the brink of collapse? I wonder if everyone else worries how a child will impact their marriage or if it’s just me and my deep seeded issues from childhood. I’m not sure.
2017 was quite the year. Politically it blew. Donald Trump is our president and the world just seems a mess. I don’t exactly see it getting better this year.
I did some traveling and took my mom to Europe. In the previous letter I wondered if I’d actually do it. Welp. I did. I guess looking forward to this year I want to focus on my family, close friends, and building a family of my own. Family is definitely the buzz word here. Daniel said I had baby fever the other day. It might be true, but I think more than anything I just find a project and obsess over it. Maybe that’s something I need to work on this year.
Right now I feel like my friend group is growing ever smaller and shifting constantly. Some friends have gone, others seem to be on the way out, and I’m really pushing myself to be open to new ones. It’s hard the older you get, it seems.
I hope that by the time I read this, I’m happy. I’m worried I’m going to be tired, broken, and ridden with anxiety. I want to remind myself to go into situations thinking positively and not dwelling on all the bad things that can/could happen. I also want to remind myself that I am a small piece, but an important piece, of something much larger than myself. We are all one organism working together. That’s the perspective I want to try to have. Serving others. Seeing the good in all things. I want to be that person daily.
My sister is getting married in 2018. Fingers crossed I don’t blow my speech. I think it’ll be fine. I’ll do everything I can to help. Today is my niece Allison’s birthday. I didn’t forget, I knew it last week, but I waited until today to send a gift. I hope to get better at being timely. I always remember Olivia’s birthday and they are just as important.
I hope I get better at managing my money this year. I’m taking baby steps to get there, but it’s a concern for me, especially if I want a family. Dear future kid/s — I bought you a stuffed mule at the Grand Canyon. I hope you like it as much as I do.
I know this is a short letter this year, but the past year was stagnant. It wasn’t bad and I did ‘things’ and took trips, but I feel a lot of change coming this year. I look forward to reading this in 2019 and seeing how far I’ve come.
Cassie 1/16/18
