OYM Day 39: INFJK
Well, I definitely half assed the past few days while on vacation. And being on vacation isn’t really a great excuse, either… considering the goal is to write for a mere 15 minutes. I would just end up exhausted and too deep in red wine to be able to string words together. I still posted, though, so I don’t consider it a failure. Besides, it was a special trip with family and I was having so much fun. I didn’t want it to end, so I soaked up every fun minute. Can’t regret that.
I bite my nails pick at my cuticles, I swear too much and drink too much. I make the worst decisions right when I wake up and right before I go to sleep. I dread looking at photos of myself and hum with low grade anxiety, constantly. I drink too much coffee and eat too fast. I don’t shave the backs of my legs and I slouch. I fold my towels a certain way. I do my hair and go to bed. I am always just a few steps behind from being ok.
But I’m ok. It’s just who I am. People take personality tests and then live by this new code as if it’s their DNA. They act to the results of these tests, fulfilling a destiny they were assigned. I think the last time I took the Myers Briggs test I was an INFJ or something similar. Don’t we ever change, though? I want to hope that we evolve over time, change ourselves for the better, or grow into new pieces of ourselves. Maybe we should take these tests every 6 months instead of once in our lives.
But I’ve bitten my nails since childhood. I’ve had anxiety and depression since childhood. The slouching, the eating fast… maybe we stay the same. Maybe life is a circle in the sense that we grow far away from ourselves, bowing out as far as we’ll allow, but ultimately coming back to who we’ve always been.
I always used to tell people that life is like a spring. The spiral kind in mattresses. It feels like we’re going in circles sometimes, but with every rotation, we’re elevating… just a little. I want to believe this is true.
What are your “bad habits”? What’s your take on personality tests? Do you think people can change?
